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Trekkie/Warsie hybrid. Actually liked both the Gold Key Star Trek comics and the Marvel Star Wars comics.

Has never seen an entire episode of either Voyager or Enterprise.

Occasionally proves his social ineptitude by admitting he's seen Star Wars over 100 times in the theater.

Fafiated, hasn't been to a con or an SCA event this century.


Among his beliefs open to ridicule are:

  • A UFP starcruiser could withstand an Imperial Navy Stardestroyer as easily as Darwin's HMS Beagle could withstand the next century's HMS Prince of Wales's 14/45 guns.
  • Ground combat: No contest. By the time the Federation expends enough redshirts to figure out how blasters work, it'll be too late. Also, the Federation has a severe deficiency in stone-age teddy bears, and tribbles can't throw rocks.
  • Kirk is a fightin', womanisin' Kennedy liberal, while Picard is a dialoging Phil Donohue liberal.
    • Collary: the ST:TNG Federation is a semi-benevolent communist dictatorship.
      • Since the Empire is a Facist dictatorship (a 3tte-Reich clone filled with "Nixonian gangsters" and "Green Berets"), then in an official Paramount-Lucas crossover, the Federation would beat the Empire because in Hollywood, idology always trumps hardware.

(Sample dialog -- EMPEROR: Janeway, you're breaking my heart! ((Palpatine collapses for no apparent reason)) )

  • Thinks the Hutts would have an easier time taking over the Federation because the Hutts would have the firepower and be looking to make a profit, while the Empire is fighting internal dissention and pouring a large percentage of its Gross Galactic Product into the latest easy-to-destroy Victory Weapon, and therefore wouldn't be able to give the expansion the attention it deserves.
    • Plus, it seems like every third Imperial officer is either incompetant (cf Ozzel) or just looking for an excuse to defect to the Rebellion (Biggs, Madine).
  • Space travel: Space ships travel at speed of plot.
    • A Federation ship entering the SW galaxy would have to be very close to a Rebel base in order to survive (and since Rebel bases move often, how long before the Empire takes control of the SW-side wormhole?).
      • On the other hand, a SW expedition would need to set up a Tibanna-gas supply line, at least at first. Also, it might take a while to map out the hyperspace lanes in the ST galaxy, which might be handled better by the Hutts. They could have freelancers do it in exchange for cash prizes. If Imperial pilots did the survey, they might jump ship.

"Lieutenant Solo's squadron is overdue from testing the hyperspace route to Argo. We must assume the route is faulty, and they were destroyed in the attempt."

Cut to ARGO, with Han et al. drinking Romulan ale and selling TIE fighter parts to Ferengi