Difference between revisions of "Heavy Armour Brigade"

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==HAB Designations==
==HAB Designations==

Revision as of 13:42, 7 November 2007

Basics

The Heavy Armour Brigade, or HAB for short is a private usergroup on SDN.

Mission Statment

"Formed to discuss armoured vehicles in real life and their counterparts in science fiction. Destruction of childish mecha fanboy claims of feasibility or superiority is an ongoing mission."

What's All this Objective Interim Stuff, Anyway?

It's a humorous play on the US Army under Eric Shinkenski's leadership's practice of making everything Objective and/or Interim.

You can read an example of this here.

Isn't this all Wanking, Anyway?

Some of it is, but there are some good gems, which should be remembered, like the Burn Before Reading classification, for their sheer absurdity which typify the Military-Industrial Complex at it's most insane.

The Great Leader

The Heavy Armour Brigade is led by its illustrious and mighty Great Leader Sea Skimmer. Under his leadership the HAB strives to eliminate the Mecha Scum.

His view of loyalty is summed up by a quote from Hermann Göring: "If the Führer wants it, two and two make five!" He expects the same level of loyalty from his HAB minions.

As long as you are loyal and obedient, the Great Leader cares little of your personal opinion of him. Your children at state boarding school may however give a damn when the blowtorch gets close...

Despite this, The Great Leader is not so bad, as he doesn't require all to bow before a painting of himself when he is absent, unlike Paraguayan dictator Francisco Solano Lopez, who managed to get 85% of his nations male population killed in the War of the Triple Alliance.

No, the Great Leader is sophisticated enough to provide a photo for the task.

Groups In HAB

AirshipSig.png CHEM.jpg Hab-aud.jpg Maintenance Banner 2.JPG Habsig4.png TESTSIG.png

HAB Designations

The minimum needed for the HAB heavy tank classification is that movement of the vehicle causes cracking of tectonic plates to a depth of at least 75 kilometers.

HAB of course,has beyond heavy, very heavy, super heavy, ultra heavy, exceedingly heavy, semi uber heavy and uber heavy tank classifications. This is followed by the ultra lightweight, super lightweight, very lightweight etc… breakthrough tank classifications.

No known limit exists on the HAB capacity to classify new types of tanks. Loyal HAB minion researchers continue to work on miniaturized anti viral and anti atom tanks, alongside projects measured in multiples of solar masses.

Current Equipment

Objective Oceanic Environment Defeat Munition

Inventor: Sea Skimmer

Currently under development at HAB, with initial prototypes based upon the Jahre Viking being built, the OOEDM program seeks an innovative solution to rapid ocean environmental destruction.

HAB scientists have concluded that releasing a "whole fuckload of oil" will provide for rapid indiscriminate environmental suppression and destruction.

A coaxial "we can ram anything short of Hawaii and win" capability will ensure that Greenpeace threat units will be unable to affect the OOEDM's destruction of marine life.

Objective Interim Light Repulsortank

The Death Star.

Objective Interim Coffee Thermal Overmatch System

Inventor: Sea Skimmer

Is able to induce fusion in the very water being used to brew the drink. This has led to several minor catastrophes, but nothing that more suffering by the glorious HAB population cannot overcome.

Rosa Luxemburg

Inventor: Pablo Sanchez

The only vehicle in the entire historical HAB inventory which has ever been solely-track driven and approached the designation of Medium-Heavy Tank was the NKVD-designed and constructed Object 292-1, code-named Rosa Luxemburg.

This was a design based on an upscaled A7V concept, and it's proportions were roughly

length: 70 AU
width: 30 AU
height: 30 AU

although certain unavoidable inefficiencies in NKVD measurement devices and the refusal of Carl Zeiss GmbH, controlled by Sheppard's Reich, to supply us with better tools made these figures somewhat imprecise.

The mass was also difficult to determine, because artificial gravity generators had to be used to prevent the tank from collapsing into a black hole, and the hypermatter reactor with it's complex mass proved impossible to properly factor into calculations.

Initial tests with this tank were hampered by several problems:

1) Conventional in-tank communications were not up to the task, as it took hours for orders to travel at the speed of light from the commander's cupola to gunnery control. These systems were subsequently replaced by instantaneous "ansible" communications.

2) There was no surface in the universe large enough to provide a field for road tests, so the NKVD was forced to construct Object 480-3X, which was a colossal flat sheet of unobtanium measuring 700x700 AU and 10 AU thick, equipped with artificial gravity generators to secure the tank to its surface. This was itself an achievement on a grand scale, unapproached by any other effort on the part of rival HAB fiefdoms.

3) The endless tracks had to move at considerable velocity to propel the vehicle at any speed perceptible relative to the size of the vehicle. During road tests, many of the transmission components reached the speed of light and exceeded the ability of HAB lubrication and materials science to maintain them. The unobtanium pistons inevitably seized and the vehicle became immobilized. Also, the drive shafts were so long in absolute terms that deformations in the space-time curve made it difficult for them to transfer power efficiently to the tracks.

4) The main gun of the tank, a 1.05E15 millimeter cannon which fired neutronium shells the size of a Red Supergiant star at hyperspace velocities malfunctioned during its first test with consequences that even now cannot be fully understood. NKVD physicists believe that the firing of this cannon caused a distortion in space-time which reverberated back to the beginning of the universe and may have been the approximate cause of the Big Bang, although this avenue of research is still being pursued by our time-space paradox experts.

As a result of these problems, testing on Object 292-1 ("Rosa Luxemburg") experimental Medium-Heavy Tank has been suspended until advances in physics and materials science enable a second attempt.

Objective Interim Expendable Lightweight Assault Force Tactical Urban Warrior System, Chemical Fueled

Inventor: Sea Skimmer

The mission of the HAB Objective Interim Expendable Lightweight Assault Force Tactical Urban Warrior System, Chemical Fueled, or OIELAFTUWSCF, is the engagement at close quarters of enemy forces and material within moderately built up urban areas such as those found in third world shitholes. Each Warrior System consists of a single male age 12-21 armed with an RPK light machine gun, one 10-pound satchel charge, one spare drum magazine and one machete.

Each Warrior System is also issued with sixteen ounces of crystal Meth, one pipe for smoking crystal Meth, and six ounces of pure PCP, also smoked in the meth pipe.

A loot sack is also included in the kit.

Training is limited to advice on what size of hit to start with. Transportation consists of small Japanese pickup trucks equipped with KPV heavy machine guns and RPG-7 rocket launchers.

The Warrior System is deployed in units of 500-15,000 primarily for the purpose of the punitive expeditions against those the HAB deems an annoyance in the third world, but who are not yet worthy of the attention of HAB Main Force units.

HEAT Hose

Inventor: Sea Skimmer

The objective of the weapon is to create an effect similar to a continuously detonating shaped charge. To achieve this copper pellets are continuously mixed with the exhaust gas of an AIE power source and then forced through a series of turbopumps driven off the AIE crankshaft. The results are directed by fictionite piping (also used for the turbopump blades) to a turreted nozzle. On firing a stream of molten copper traveling at approximately mach thirty with a volume of many thousands of gallons, minimal possible target damage is heavy armor reduced to Swiss cheese.

Nuclear Flamethrower Tank

Inventor: Sea Skimmer

The US Army built a steam powered flamethrower tank in WWI, the steam pressure powering the forward firing flamethrower.

For HAB take the concept and replace the boiler with a nuclear reactor, add side sponsons with fire hoses for thickened Soman nerve gas and mustard gas (both also pressurized via radioactive steam). Add a top turret which fires shrapnel shells manufactured from spent uranium reactor fuel (you know the stuff that glows bright green in the cooling ponds) impregnated with ricin. It will be fitted with grenade dischargers that fire smoke grenades which give off smoke via burning PCB laden plastic.

Don forget that the tracks are lubricated with mercury; the crew is perpetually drunk on Isopropyl alcohol while smoking blunt wrappers and eating McDonalds food. On leave they feed chocolate to dogs, pee in reservoirs and are known to huff diesel fumes.

M-894A8E4 Mark II Mecha Impersonation Bot

Inventor: Sea Skimmer

The only mecha authorized for HAB use is the HAB M-894A8E4 Mark II Mecha Impersonation Bot; which appears to employ humanoid locomotion but is in fact propelled by very small caterpillar tracks hidden on the bottom of each foot.

Normal combat use calls for either infiltration tactics or massed charges, either employing the Type 3 Thermonuclear Pole Charge; Tsar Bomba on a 100 meter steel pole or the units own internal 35 megaton self destruct charge. I think you can take the spirit of the idea from here.

Materials

Special Type Atomic Element 474 (Pz-474)

Inventor: Sea Skimmer

Has a melting point of 4,000C

Special Type Atomic Element 909 (Brownium)

Inventor: Sheppard

Special Type Atomic Element 909 is extracted from this material. When STAE-909 is sprayed onto a B-52, it becomes invisible to radar, and when injected into HAB Lab slaves they can fire 20mm cannons from the hip. Recently involved in a disastrous experiment to create the Objective Interim Mammalian Kinetic Heavy Assault Horn Breaching system, Rhino based.

HAB Armor Standard Depleted Unobtainium

Inventor: Sea Skimmer

The element depleted from Unobtainium, Special Type Atomic Element Pz 474 also makes excellent armor, though it is normally used for fuel first. Once it has been subject to fission, it glows brightly enough that the vehicle using it would not require headlights.

HAB Motor Oil

Inventor: Sea Skimmer

HAB weapons and engines require a certain minimum threshold of dirt to function properly. Our finest motor oil for Atomic Ignition Engines is prepared by first being used for 50,000 miles travel through the Great Rad Erg, inside a 1950s gasoline engine with no air filter.

Technology

TVMB Guidance

Inventor: Sea Skimmer

TVMB, otherwise known as Track Via Migrating Birds. This system will work by using a powerful camera angled upwards, which will follow the flight paths of high flying Siberian cranes via their reflection off orbital mirrors, to keep the weapon on course.

It will cost eighty billion dollars, plus an additional forty million to fund efforts to preserve Siberian crane habitat, otherwise we might be force to resort to the less developed system using GPS technology which is based around tracking collars on Marmosets.

Doctrine

Block IV Objective Interim Training Manual

Inventor: Sea Skimmer

Consists of only four pages, of which the remaining four pages are classified to the level that only The Great Leader may view them.