Star Trek Nemesis

Pictorial Plot Synopsis Page 1 of 4

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Picture #1
ADMIRAL DUDES:Let us ally with the Remans. They're good fighters and we're afraid of them.

Picture #2
No! They're an inferior race, so fuck 'em! And fuck their mongrel leader Shinzon too! Hey, what's this red bomb-like device sitting on the desk here? Ahhh, who cares? Fuck Shinzon!

Picture #3
Urrrkkk! Maybe we should reconsider our policy of letting people bring unidentified devices into the Senate Hall!

Picture #4
And now for the obligatory happy-family time-filler bullshit.

Picture #5
Hey look, it's some kind of positronic signature. It must be an android: only androids like me emit a "signature" that anyone can pick up from light years away. I'll bet you never figured out why enemy ships always got the drop on us with me on board, did you?

Picture #6
Captain, there's a plot device- er, ion storm approaching, so we can't beam the pieces of this mystery Soong-type android up from the surface ... even though the storm isn't here yet. Good opportunity for a totally contrived scene, sir.

Picture #7
Whoa, dude! After years of upholding the Prime Directive even at risk to my very life, I now ignore it because it's fun to drive dune buggies! Don't you love the way the director imitates the deliberately overexposed cinematography of Three Kings? Yup- when in doubt, just imitate a better film. Hmmmm ... sky's clear. What happened to that ion storm?

Picture #8
Hey, let's rip off The Road Warrior too! Good thing the bad guys are such lousy shots that they can't hit 3 guys in an open-cockpit buggy from 10 metres away with machine guns.

Picture #9
JANEWAY:Hello, Jean-Luc. I'm an Admiral, and you're not.
PICARD:Fuck off, bitch. I saved Earth a half-dozen times and all you did was find your way back there after getting lost.
JANEWAY:Well anyway, now that you've finished setting up obvious plot foreshadowing devices, go to Romulus. Some guy named Shinzon just killed off the Romulan Senate and seized power.
PICARD:OK. I still can't believe they promoted you over me.

Picture #10
Hey Data, do you remember your evil twin Lore? No? Me neither. Let's transfer your knowledge, much of which is sensitive military information, directly into the brain of this mystery Soong-type android we just found. Yeah, good idea. And we'll give him a corny stupid name, like B-4.

Picture #11
OK, we're here. In fact, we've been sitting here for 17 hours waiting for this "Shinzon" character to make his dramatic entrance.

Picture #12
Hello, I'm a big scary-looking alien. Sorry to keep you waiting in orbit for 17 hours, but our great leader is dying and he will be wormfood in another day or so. That's why we chose theatrics over haste. Uhhhh, yeah. So please beam down to the surface for more time-wasting theatrics.

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